Single Men at Clubs and Parties - with thanks to Flirt & 3Amp

We have chosen this as our first piece of swinger advice following what we saw at a club recently.

As a rule of thumb we don't usually go to clubs on mixed nights, and neither do many other couples, simply because of the conduct of some of the single men there.

We aren't trying to say that all single men are thoughtless pillocks, but the actions of just one can spoil the atmosphere for everybody there.

We got asked by one bloke why single men get such a hard time in the swinger community? On one American swinger site men outnumber everyone else more than 20-1! But that isn't the main reason. Some single men manage to make such a nuisance of themselves (and not in a good way) that everyone of you gets a bad reputation.

This means that couples and single men have greater choice, but this is heading down a route that we are still writing!

So, you get to a club or party and you are ready to party!!!! Great, so is everyone else! But, before you jump straight in there, there are a few things that you need to keep in mind:

• By all means have a drink, we all need something to relax our nerves; but pissed, slurring and swaying is not attractive and is a good way to get asked to leave.
• Socialise: it is rare (rocking horse shit is seen more often) for couples to see a random bloke in the play area and simply wave him over. The chances are that they have already know him or had a chat with him in the lounge / bar area first. Think of it in the same way as a normal pub - if you don't say hi to anyone then it's gonna be a lonely evening.
• Be discrete: although swingers do not consider themselves to be doing anything wrong (and quite rightly!) the lifestyle does still carry a social stigma with it. Because of this, the majority of us are very protective of our privacy. If you are seen to be indiscrete, then you essential blow any chance of any further encounter! You have been warned.
• Get a reputation: a good one!!!! Couples / fems talking about you can be a good thing. After all, a bloke with a reputation doesn't have to work anywhere as hard for a meet as other single men, and we have seen instances where men are on an equal playing field to single fems, though this is rare!

To get this far, the chances are that you will have made social acquaintances in the community. If you haven't then your experience in the play area of clubs (you won't even have been invited to go a major party) will be watching everyone else having fun.

So, we move up to the play areas (or down if there's a preference for the dungeon at our favourite club). The tips are even more abundant here.

• Don't interrupt: can't believe we actually have to write this! If you haven't been invited to play, then don't "take the initiative". There may be a couple in one of the open playrooms going at it like there's no tomorrow but that doesn't make them fair game!!! Wait for them to invite you.
• Respect people's space: in general people don't mind being in a room full of other people having sex, and many don't mind being watched (it is even a turn on to some of us) but a bloke plonking himself 2 inches from you looking for a way to get in will only achieve one thing - the others getting up and walking out. You might well be disappointed that your view of the action has gone, but that's nothing to what you'll get off the 10 other blokes who were also watching, and actually respecting this tip!
• Make no assumptions: couples who have been swinging for a while will tell you that they learned quickly to communicate with each other. They know what each other want from the lifestyle as well as their boundaries. You don't know what these boundaries are, so you need to find out what you can and can't do. For instance some women have a "Pretty Woman" rule (no kissing), some will do everything except penetration and so on. Not asking won't get you removed from anywhere (unless you did something stupid) but it can result in your experience getting cut very short!
• Always assume condoms. Most (if not all) clubs will stock condoms either behind reception/bar or in machines in the changing room. There really is no excuse for not having any with you; and if you suddenly get that chance and you are caught short, we can promise you that there won't be a second chance that evening!
• Be discrete: Swinging is not wrong or immoral in the modern sense of things (Amen to that!!!) but as an lifestyle that still carries something of a social stigma, many of us rely on the discretion of those who we meet. Ok, we did say that couples and single fems talk, but mostly only about specific men in a positive light, and never outside the community. Here comes the hypocritical bit - men can, of course discuss previous experiences, but disclosing names is cardinal!
• No means no: no ifs, no buts. Failing to observe this will result in immediate BYE BYE and possible ban!

As the section on harassment says in 3Amp's work handbook "this list is not exhaustive" and yes there are more. But we'd be here all day going through all the possibilities.

This is how we'd sum it up; make yourself known, respect those around you, be patient, observe boundaries and use your common sense. Do that and you should be absolutely fine.

But, reading this bit means that you've gone through the rest and means that as long as you keep this in mind, you've got a much better chance. Maybe see you in one of the playrooms!!!!!

Flirt & 3Amp